Heeeey Yogi...let's go steal some picnic baskets!

Since we moved here last month, I've been saying "Hey, you know what would be awesome? If we had a picnic table in the backyard to sit at while the dogs run around and act stupid." Just like that, every time. So, I built a picnic table today.

I haven't done much woodworking since Junior High, but lately I've been crazy about the power drill that I found in the lab. The drill weighs at least 10 pounds, is rusty almost beyond recognition and I think I loose a little bit of my hearing every time I use it. I sit around and think up projects, just so that I can use it more often. With this drill, I can't fail.

I headed to the Home Depot on Calle Ocho (which, if you are a loyal reader you know: "nothing good happens on Calle Ocho"--but it turns out that that only applies to haircuts and taxis). It was a frightening experience, trying to navigate the lumber section for the first time. The first thing you have to do is select the right kind of cart. They have at least six different kinds of carts at Home Depot, and I knew that if I picked the wrong one I would be the object of scorn and ridicule from the gnarly contractors there buying complicated things like insulation or lattices. I decided to just go with the regular cart because I was having all my boards cut to 4 feet anyway--because that's how big the trunk of my Corolla is, but that's not what I told the guy at the table saw. The guy at the table saw is kind of like the troll that guards the bridge. You have to make sure to say the magic words and stand in the right spot to get his attention. Especially if you don't have the right cart.

After I located the Magic Table Saw guy, I left my wimpy cart around the corner and tried to find the right lumber. The 2x4s were of course stacked way too high for me to get them. stood on my tip toes and tried to hoist a few off the pile without dropping any on my head. I got two cleanly but then a third was trying to come along for the ride. There was no way that I could bring the 2 down without being brained by the third. I stood there, tippy toed teetering with three 2x4s perched precariously above my head until some contractor type wandered by and helped me out. Who stacks lumber 6 feet off the ground anyway...The table saw troll.

The guy cut my boards and I located all the carriage bolts and deck screws and exterior latex paint I needed and headed home to start my project.

Laura watched, and took a few photos.

I dug back into the recesses and hidden folds of my brain to remember the nuance of woodworking I learned when I made my C-grade tool caddy in 7th grade. It's clear that I'm totally qualified to make a picnic table.


I remembered to measure twice and cut once and that square corners are preferable over wobbly ones.


Nothing terribly exciting happened during the actual construction of the table. I got a sunburn and the dogs got to spend all day outside with me. Granite was helping, clearly.

And then after about 3 hours of grueling labor, hand saws, forster bits and crooked edges I was ready to paint [[ Thanks to Table Saw guy for cutting the 8 foot 2x4 into 4 1/2 foot and 3 1/2 foot pieces! It's no problem though, one bench is just shorter than the other...you can't tell, really. ]]


Painting is really the hard part, but since it was a picnic table I didn't worry too much about my technique. I think that picnic tables are supposed to have drip marks and pieces of grass stuck in the paint, right?

Here it is! My little Corolla-trunk-sized picnic table.



PS: Picnic table plans came from Wayne of the Woods If you go there you can see a picture of a picnic table that has cross braces--like mine was supposed to have. But I couldn't figure out how long to make them--since I shortened my table--and I didn't have the stamina to cut a bunch more angles only to find out that it was too long or two short, so I decided to not brace my table. It's only a little wobbly...