Simon Seeezzz, for grownups

I have a confession. A dirty secret that needs airing. I'm just going to say it. Prepare yourself.

I LOVE STEP AEROBICS.

There, I said it. It's true. I love love love step aerobics. And I don't care what anyone thinks!

I joined a gym JUST so I could go to step aerobics classes. Forget training for that triathlon I got a free entry to...I just wanna STEP!

Monday nights are the best, because the instructor actually puts some effort into making her routines. That's in contrast to the Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday instructor who does the same workout every time to sssslllloooooowwwwww music. I guess it's baby step. But I can handle the intense advanced step. Why? Because I rock. And it's not a matter of simply being in shape. You've got to know what's going on or you're going to be standing on the wrong side of the step staring blankly at the people around

The instructor calls out moves and you get maybe a beat warning before you've got to pick them up. For example:

Turn it for two! Straddle, turn, straddle, UTURN,! Stomp! Repeater hams! Over and back, hop turn around the world! Jump shot, reverse V, L step....

And so on. Now if you're any good, you won't miss a step. It's like Simon Says, but no one gets kicked out. Just laughed at. And trust me, those of us who do know what's going on love to watch you screw up. It's all we got. After all, we're in the step aerobics class too...

I try to stay away from the windows so that the people who are out lifting weights don't recognize me through the windows. There's a pecking order at the gym (real or perceived, I don't know) and it goes like this:

Big scary guys who have so many muscles that they can't put their hands in their pockets. >> Circuit trainers who know what they're doing >> anyone running faster than 8.0 on the treadmill >> sorority girls on the elliptical >> steppers. But, this doesn't matter at all, because seriously there is nothing better than step aerobics.

I wonder when step aerobics will be an olympic sport? I wonder if there are any competitions where I can win a trophy for having the best over and back hop turn squat tick tock.